Everything Will Be Ok!
What a difference a year makes! This image was taken a year ago. This morning is overcast and life is in a very different place.
If someone had shown me right here right now, the feelings that I am going through, the character that I have become, the pains I have learned to work through, I would have said yes. If someone had shown me the journey I needed to go on to get there, I would have categorically said no.
One of my favourite places to go to in my mind is time jumping. Don't get me wrong, this isn't about changing the past but more about speaking to my younger self or those around me. I often wonder what I would have said to myself right before a major event happened. Would I have prevented it from actually taking place? Would I have simply reassured myself that everything was going to be ok?
Take the death of my mum for example. She diet 2009 at the age of 53. The story of her death is horrific and traumatising. It could easily have been avoided. If I was able to speak to her or myself in the moments before certain events took place, would I have tried to prevent them or rather said, everything is going to be ok?
It's so hard because there are so many variables. So many random outcomes. I would give anything to see her again but at what cost? What would have had to have changed for 'everything to be ok'?
Being a person that thinks a lot, it brings me great joy and peace knowing that everything will genuinely be ok. Being ok for me is getting to the other side of something stronger than I was. This seems selfish in many ways. Even typing it I feel a little selfish. But a stronger me knows more about people. I feel better about the space on this planet that I inhabit. I feel higher value in relationships and a greater sense of appreciation when I consider, what life actually about?
Heavy for a Monday morning I know! The mind wonders but, let me tell you this. Everything WILL be ok.